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Have you ever given thought to using a dating contract?
It seems to be one of the biggest trends nowadays for couples who are in serious relationships or in new relationships that have the “serious” potential. I asked one couple to show me their contract and to my surprise, it wasn’t as cheesy or one-sided as I thought it might be. Essentially the scope and purpose of the dating contract was to provide a general road map for the duration of the relationship as well as avoid any potential conflicts along the way.
I decided to create my own dating contract and post it here for you guys to use. I created this dating contract for two purposes:
1. Define the scope of your relationship. The intention is to actively prevent relationships from becoming stale and eventually losing steam.
2. Actively prevent fights and misunderstanding that in normal circumstance could be prevented.
Caveat: Some guys/girls may be a bit reluctant at first to participate in the contract. If that’s the case then you should simply explain to them that (at the very least) the purpose of the contract would be to avoid the unnecessary fights and quarrels that could arise in the future. In short, it’s a down and dirty way of trying to ensure a happy, healthy relationship for many years to come. – K
DATING CONTRACT
On this day of ______ 2010, I _____ and I _____ do hereby enter into a dating contract. This contract shall not be construed as legally binding, yet it will serve to outline the scope and purpose of our relationship. This contract will also serve as a a road map for not only when times get tough, but for fine tuning the relationship as we go along in life:
1. List where you see this relationship being in (if marriage then state so):
6 Months from today:
12 Months from today:
1 year from today:
2 years from today:
5 years from today:
2. List your 5 biggest expectations of your partner:
a.
b.
c.
d.
e.
3. List 5 things that you wish your partner would work on (come back every 6 months and re-evaluate)
a.
b.
c.
d.
e.
4. List the financial responsibilities of each partner and expectations. Also include a contingency plan.
________:
________:
5. Rules of Engagement: Arguments and fights are bound to happen every so often. If a fight does occur, list the rules of engagement. (eg: Where will the argument take place? Is foul language allowed? What topics are taboo and off-bounds and shall not be brought up during the course of an argument?)
6. List 5 personal dislikes (pet peeves).
a.
b.
c.
d.
e.
7. Treaty of 1862: Should the relationship terminate, list how property/pets/money will be divided amicably. This should not be construed as a legally binding agreement.
8. Landmines: Each person has his/her own “triggers” that can potentially set off an argument. The goal of this line item is to avoid unnecessary, repeated conflicts by listing triggers that could cause an argument that has already taken place. List not only the argument, but the resolution as well. Revisit this section every 6 months
or as necessary.
a.
b.
c.
d.
e.
f.
9. Cheating: Is this an open relationship? If not, cheating is NOT allowed. Cheating is not only physical contact with someone else, but emotional cheating as well.
10. List the time frames of the day/week you will be available to see each other.
11. Date night: Continuing romance is important in a relationship. Choose 1-4 nights out of the month to go out on a date as a couple. The date shall be romantic in nature and should include alone time for talking amongst yourselves.
12. Communication: Discuss and then write down how you will communicate. Since each person communicates differently, take some time to understand how to better pay attention and listen to your partner. Listen, then speak.
13. Sex: List your sexual expectations of your partner. Discuss not only types of sex, but how to keep your sex life (if you so choose to have one) active and fufilling. What is and isn’t allowed? What might you be willing to try? What is taboo and off bounds?